IS IT RICE? Honda Civic from summer '08

IS IT RICE?
That is the question.

One of the most blatant examples of rice we've ever seen was this Civicus Constructicus spotted last summer near Waco, Texas. This vehicle is a prime example of the sad measures some people will go to for attention or acceptance; it in fact makes some of the cars in The Fast and the Furious look like family sedans.

A few things to note before we start in on the fun.

1) There are so many things on this car that scream RICE that it was impossible to number the offenses and have a nice little diagram for you. You probably won't need them though, as there isn't much on this car that ISN'T rice.

2) The guy was apparently doing construction on a home. To keep people from accidentally running into his car (not like anyone couldn't see it due to the highlighter green), he actually put CONES around it!!!

Enjoy.

We have here a Honda Civic. Right there, you automatically start out in the borderline rice range (no offense to the number of "respectable" Civic owners who don't violate their cars). In case you couldn't tell already, he put it in giant white letters across his windshield. That's right, I have a HONDA CIVIC, folks, be verrrrry afraid!!!!! (1 offense)



Sorry about the pic quality; I was driving. But nonetheless, it's still clear enough to point out a number of things right off the bat:
* The car is neon green (2nd offense)
* The wing, which you'll soon see is just as tall as, if not taller than, the car itself (3)
* The fire extinguisher in the passenger column (4)
* "TOYO TIRES" across the hood (5) diagonally (6). I won't count the hood itself rice; it may actually be carbon fiber. There's your one mulligan.
* Cones (7); I should count it three times since there are three of them.


Moving along to the back:


* Fauxtezzas (8).
* Air Jordan sticker in the back window (9). What this has to do with his car, only he knows. We'll get to the crappy side graphics on the next slide.
* Non-matching gas door, probably "painted" (or lack thereof) to look like the shiny aluminum ones (10).

The guy lucked out that the cone is probably in the way of a giant fart can, so I technically can't count it. Of course, he also might not have any exhaust pipe or muffler at all!


Exhibit 3, the side:


* Two brightly colored "sponsor" stickers placed randomly (11, 12). Learned not to do this in my own ricer rehab session.
* Giant "Blue Trogdor-Slaying Knight That Dissolves Into Shreds And Has Sword Coming Out of Face" decal (13).
* Ghetto Vents (14), on top of broken? LED side blinker (15), directly above randomly placed (16) backwards (17) non-functioning scoop (18).

We zoom in a little closer:


* Shiny washer vents, probably LED (19)
* Chicken wire front grill (20)
* OH NO!!!! What do we have here? Did you scrape your little bodykit (21) on the ground and break it? (22) Looks like you're gonna have to spend some hard earned cash to get that fixed instead of doing that single wiper conversion you were planning on!


So there you have it folks, I count TWENTY-TWO things that are wrong with this automobile, and that's only what I could see from driving by it a couple of times. Not like anyone needs a final verdict, but nonetheless:

IS IT RICE? - Mistubishi Eclipse

IS IT RICE?
That is the question.

Up for examination today is this ricer-riffic specimen, Eclipsus Tricoloris Noisicus. We think that at one point that this car was a Mitsubishi Eclipse, but it has been violated to such an extreme that we can now only call it "The Punk of Cell Block 4A".





Please observe with me the SEVEN major offenses put forth by said junker:



1) Please note the horrendous White Bodykit that wraps the car in a random "streamlined" pattern. It seems to stick out way too far in the front, but maybe that's just because it's about to fall off? Wait, what's all that yellow stuff? Did they glue it on?!

2) We next direct your attention to the Fart Can that is partially concealed by Exhibit 1. As you can see, placement of said Fart Can is directly responsible to one of the most serious ricer offenses of all time...

3) DIARRHEA!, produced by Exhibit 2, all over the left hole of Exhibit 1.

4) Please observe the Mismatched Door Handle... well, actually it matches the body kit. Note also that the passenger door handle matches the original paint, and thus doesn't match the driver's door handle. Did the guy try to remove his door handles like the Ghetto Cars and FAIL, or did he just want to make random parts of the car match his "mods"? The world may never know.

5) The Silver "Extra Sporty" Mirrors with Matching Mirror Mount Covers match each other, but nothing else on the car... except for number 6

6) A Bullhorn Spoiler, which is not only painted gray, but is either a) missing paint, b) was bondoed, or c) all of the above. Great for that "Shark look".

7) Finally, proof that this travesty has officially been branded a Ricer... the Exotic Uninterpretable Sticker, also known as the "Ricer Tramp Stamp".

Needless to say, this guy has done much more damage to his car with the money he makes working at Target than improvements. The least he can do is go to Lowe's and spend his paycheck on a can of house paint and throw it on this piece of poo... at least that way it'll be mostly one color.




Found a ricer you'd like us to dissect? Drop me a line at incog5nito at g mail dot com and who knows, we may use yours on the site! Please, no parodies (cardboard, 2 ft. diameter fart cans, etc.).