IS IT RICE?
That is the question.
One of the most blatant examples of rice we've ever seen was this Civicus Constructicus spotted last summer near Waco, Texas. This vehicle is a prime example of the sad measures some people will go to for attention or acceptance; it in fact makes some of the cars in The Fast and the Furious look like family sedans.
A few things to note before we start in on the fun.
1) There are so many things on this car that scream RICE that it was impossible to number the offenses and have a nice little diagram for you. You probably won't need them though, as there isn't much on this car that ISN'T rice.
2) The guy was apparently doing construction on a home. To keep people from accidentally running into his car (not like anyone couldn't see it due to the highlighter green), he actually put CONES around it!!!
Enjoy.
We have here a Honda Civic. Right there, you automatically start out in the borderline rice range (no offense to the number of "respectable" Civic owners who don't violate their cars). In case you couldn't tell already, he put it in giant white letters across his windshield. That's right, I have a HONDA CIVIC, folks, be verrrrry afraid!!!!! (1 offense)
Sorry about the pic quality; I was driving. But nonetheless, it's still clear enough to point out a number of things right off the bat:
* The car is neon green (2nd offense)
* The wing, which you'll soon see is just as tall as, if not taller than, the car itself (3)
* The fire extinguisher in the passenger column (4)
* "TOYO TIRES" across the hood (5) diagonally (6). I won't count the hood itself rice; it may actually be carbon fiber. There's your one mulligan.
* Cones (7); I should count it three times since there are three of them.
Moving along to the back:
* Fauxtezzas (8).
* Air Jordan sticker in the back window (9). What this has to do with his car, only he knows. We'll get to the crappy side graphics on the next slide.
* Non-matching gas door, probably "painted" (or lack thereof) to look like the shiny aluminum ones (10).
The guy lucked out that the cone is probably in the way of a giant fart can, so I technically can't count it. Of course, he also might not have any exhaust pipe or muffler at all!
Exhibit 3, the side:
* Two brightly colored "sponsor" stickers placed randomly (11, 12). Learned not to do this in my own ricer rehab session.
* Giant "Blue Trogdor-Slaying Knight That Dissolves Into Shreds And Has Sword Coming Out of Face" decal (13).
* Ghetto Vents (14), on top of broken? LED side blinker (15), directly above randomly placed (16) backwards (17) non-functioning scoop (18).
We zoom in a little closer:
* Shiny washer vents, probably LED (19)
* Chicken wire front grill (20)
* OH NO!!!! What do we have here? Did you scrape your little bodykit (21) on the ground and break it? (22) Looks like you're gonna have to spend some hard earned cash to get that fixed instead of doing that single wiper conversion you were planning on!
So there you have it folks, I count TWENTY-TWO things that are wrong with this automobile, and that's only what I could see from driving by it a couple of times. Not like anyone needs a final verdict, but nonetheless:
